12-25-12 Reflecting on Year 2012

It has been a few months since I posted on my blog because I was not sure what I wanted to write, but after much contemplation I feel the Holy Spirit prompting me to write about the year passing, 2012.  All I can say is WOW what a year for me.  I don’t think I have had such an eventful year, in many years.

The first of January I shared with my Care Group the Word God spoke to me and that word was “trust me”.  I have really had reason to trust Him this year 2012. He never fails and He never walks away.  I will never let go of His love.

It began with a right eye macular tear.  Come on who has that, I’m a nurse and I only remember studying about it in the text books.  I don’t recall ever knowing anybody with a macular tear, although I have to say my experience as a nurse has been in the area of the digestive system upper and lower. 

As the story goes not only did I have to deal with the surgery to repair this hole but I had to remain head down, I mean really down for 7 days 24 hours a day.  Believe me when I say I really missed looking forward to my first cup of coffee in the morning.  It’s not right drinking your coffee through a straw.  Coffee must be sipped hot and enjoyed, because no other cup for me during the day is as good as the first.

Talking to folks and watching TV was awkward because I had to do it looking through a mirror.  I had to eat very carefully because Lord knows I didn’t want to choke with no one with me during the day.  Recovery was an awful 7 days.

As if that was not enough a cataract began to develop as a result of the surgery.  I was told to expect that to happen but, I was hoping I would be the exception.  NOT. 

When I walked into the One Day Surgery on the day the doctor schedules all his cataract surgeries I found myself in a room full of older senior citizens.  I really felt out of place because I did not look like I belonged.  How is it we always think we look younger to ourselves than we do to others, but I felt sure those folks were wondering what I was doing there. 

The recovery was easy and I was back to my normal activity within a few days. 

When I was recovering from my first surgery I found I was able to listen to the Bible on my computer.  I really liked that because I comprehended more and didn’t find myself dozing off.  It was also during this time I began writing my blog.

The church had started a study called an Interactive Relationship with God, calling us into a deeper more intimate relationship with Him.  We had a reading plan bringing more intentionality to engaging God’s Word. We were being taught how to meditate and how to enter the story as we read God’s Word.  I have to admit before this I was not committed to a lesson plan and was remiss in my prayers. (Sorry too say that.)

Beth Moore says, “When God wants you on your knees and you don’t go down, he will break your legs.”  I guess that is what happened to me.  I was stopped dead still in my tracks, and when I picked up the Word, and began the study that is when He began to open His Word up to me as never before. 

I can not tell you how much this Bible Study has meant to me this year.  I have learned more about how to read the Bible, meditate and pray more effectively than I have since I became a Christian.  That is not to say I have not had great teaching…….. I have but this has been different, it was a how to do it study. Thank you Dennis and Pastor Daniel for all I have learned this year.  You both worked very hard to bring this to the church and it shows.

I know God is going to take what he has given me and use me more effectively.  I look forward to 2013 and the movement of God in our church and community. 

In March Lovell and I were invited to a meet and greet luncheon for Pastor Gary Mann.  He is a minister of God and is gifted in the prophetic.  As we were all gathering up to leave Pastor Mann called me over and begin to speak a Word from the Lord to me.  Tears began to stream down my cheeks and I said God must have truly revealed that to you because nobody else knows my heart like that, not even Lovell.

I had begun to write in my journal the first part of the year and I went home and hurriedly began to put on paper what he said before I forgot.  I will not go into what he said because it is private to me. 

Later in the month of March God gave me a dream.  I wrote extensively about this dream in an entry of my blog titled,” The Gift Finally Realized”.  Praise God I wait for more manifestations of the gifts You God have given me.

In June our oldest grandson graduated high school and came to spend the summer with us before he entered college.  That was a great opportunity to get to know him better.  I loved having him here with us.  I doted on him for 2 months, cooking his favorite meals and taking good care of him as he worked.  I wanted to get him involved with the older youth at our church but that did not happen because of first one thing and then another,  but God’s plan is the best and I yield to Him.  “Trust me” was resounding in my head.

We began to have other ministers with gifts of the prophetic teach in our home.  Words began to come forth relating to our home, and the same Word given to me in March by Pastor Mann.  This could only be God.  If you have never been given a prophetic message from God, get into the presence of these ministers of God and see if He has something for you. 

There are probably those that will read this blog and deny what God does, but if you have ever had your mail read by one of these men of God it is hard to deny the truth in what they say.

Time marches on and as I sit in the presence of Jehovah on the end of my sofa early in the morning I am getting closer and closer to my Abba Father, hearing his voice more clearly than I have ever heard it before.

In July I was in an auto accident that totaled my car.  I was thankful for my car because there were no payments to be made, and when it was crashed I was crushed.  I kept hearing God say, “trust me”.  The accident could have been one to take my life but in:

 

Psalm 34:7 scripture states:

7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,

and He delivers them.”

And in Psalm 34:15

15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,

and His ears are attentive to their cry;

And in Psalm 34:17

17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

He delivers them from all their troubles. 

Thank you Jesus for protecting me from the evil one. Only 1 tiny bruise on my lower left leg.

The world we live in is so dangerous as evidenced by all the drugs, and drug related crimes, the shootings in our public places and schools, and just today a man burned his home hoping to burn the homes of people around him. He also killed his mother, and the remains of his sister were found in his home.  But, I have peace in my spirit because I have Jesus in my heart.  We as Christians need to be less complacent and fight against the enemy, the enemy that is a thief.

In John 10:10 scripture states:

 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they (you) may have life, and have it to the full.

As Christians Jesus gave us authority over Satan when He sat down at the right hand of the Father, and received that authority from God.  We do not have to live in fear of what Satan might steal from us. 

In Ephesians 1:18-23 Scripture states:

18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in His holy people,

19 and His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength

20 He exerted when He raised Christ from the dead and seated Him at his right hand in the heavenly realms,

21far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.

22 And God placed all things under His feet and appointed Him to be head over everything for the church,

23 which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills everything in every way.

We are not wimps we have Christ in us the Hope of glory.  So let us stand up and say, greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world.  Let us say NO devil stay away from my family, because they are covered by the precious blood that Jesus shed on the cross, and NO weapon you can forge against me, or them will prosper because of that blood.

You probably think the enemy has stolen a lot from me this year but not so, Christ has “given back to me good measure pressed down and shaken together.”  My vision has been restored from 20/200 to 20/30.  The surgeon that repaired my eye was a Christian and also everyone in his office.  My car was replaced with a beautiful new shiny red one.  What a blessing.

I fear not because He is with me.

Well 12-21-12 has come and gone, and again the world did not end.  Any one that knows anything about the Bible should have known that the world was not going to end.  Only God knows the day and hour He will send His Son back for us.  Not even the Son knows that.  Just be ready because the world we live in is certainly headed in that direction.

Christmas for Lovell and me has come and gone.  We were blessed to have all our children here for the holidays and in church with us on Sunday.  What more could a Mom want than to know she will spend eternity with her family.  I hope all who read this can say the same, and if not it’s not too late.  God attends his ear to the cry of his children.  Never, never, never give up on them.

It is my prayer all who read this story have a Happy New Year, one filled with the presence of Jehovah, God Almighty Prince of Peace…….

Jackie

The Gift Finally Realized

Over the past weeks I’ve thought and prayed about this story many times, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to write it, but after hearing Carole Lee speak on Dreams, Visions and Prophecy I knew the story had to be told.   As always it’s with the help of the Holy Spirit I write this.

Please believe that I’m not telling this story to exalt myself in any way because I am so humbled that my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ entrusted me with such a gift.  I just pray I do not fall short and grieve the Holy Spirit in any way.

This story begins in the early 1980’s when I was invited to the home of Judy Green to hear Irene Farley teach and minister using her gifts of prophecy, words of knowledge, and wisdom.  She would laughing say, “I am preparing you girls in the School of Hard Knocks to use what God has gifted you with.”

Spiritual gifts are special abilities given by God to each believer for ministry.  The Lord expects me to use my gift for the benefit of the church body.

Scripture states in 1 Corinthians 12: 4-11

 ⁴ There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. ⁵ There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. ⁶ There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.
 ⁷ Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. ⁸ To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, ⁹ to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, ¹⁰ to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,^[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.^{[b] 11} All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and He distributes them to each one, just as He determines.

Prophecy for those who do not know is a divine prediction of a future event as told by a person who is lead along by the Holy Spirit.  Words of Knowledge are messages of special knowledge and encouragement spoken to an individual directly from the Holy Spirit.

We should never use our spiritual gifts to tear others down, but use them to encourage and build up.

I did not know Irene at the time but grew to love and respect her over the next few years.  Irene was in her late sixty’s when we meet.  She was a kind and humble woman that loved God with all her heart until the day she passed away to go home to her Savior.  

As I walked through the door of Judy’s home and found a seat there were only a few people there I knew, most of them were from Community Church.  It was always difficult for me to attend functions alone but this time I was meant to be there.

Irene and her group were introduced by Judy.  Her group meaning, two ladies that traveled with her to help with the ministry. Nancy, Irene’s friend began to sing and lead out with songs of praise, the anointing of the Holy Spirit was there as we all began to feel the presence of the Lord. 

Suddenly Irene walked directly over to me and with purpose in her expression, and as the music softened she began to pray in the Spirit and soon said to me, “honey I don’t know you but the Lord does and he has a word for you today.  The Lord wants you to know that he loves you very much and he has gifted you with healing in your hands.  As you reach out and lay hands on the sick, and pray for them they will recover.” 

Well I was astonished; I had never been spoken to in that manner before.  Neither had I seen anyone move in the gifts as she did. Oh I knew about the gifts of the Holy Spirit and even heard some messages in tongues and interpretation but that is all I knew.

Being somewhat of a new Christian I was eager to learn everything I could.  With new Christians, God puts a hunger in our heart for His Word, because the enemy the Devil will quickly come and try to steal away what God is teaching you.  Believe me I’ve seen it happen on many occasions; thank God it did not happen to me. 

I began to attend her meeting regularly, and soon the meetings grew too large to continue on at Judy’s home.  Community Church on 16^th Street was offered to house the group on Wednesday mornings.

I was very naïve and believed if I had the gift as Irene said I was going to use it.  I prayed for folks but never saw anyone healed, at least anyone I knew of.  I’m sure God was smiling at me and saying, let’s take a little time and learn a few things before I turn you lose on humanity.

Over these many years I held on to the word God gave me through Irene, and I tell you now I can almost hear her talking to me with that sweet humble smile she always had when she knew she had a word for someone from the Lord.

It took many trips around the block before I learned to be the woman God designed me to be even before the creation of the world.  I look back and have to laugh at myself because pride was the biggest obstacle I had to overcome.  Now wait a minute, it might be for you too if you had just been given such an awesome gift at such a young Christian age.

But now at this writing I am just overcome with humility, maybe the same humility I saw in Irene’s eyes as she spoke to me, and with tears in my eyes I thank Him for His patience with me and His teaching me to be the woman He can look at and say,  you go girl, you’re ready.

It was just an ordinary Friday night March 9^th, 2012. Lovell and I don’t usually plan anything on this night because we are tired from work.  But this was not going to be an ordinary night, because God had another message to give me.  In the early morning hours I began to dream. How many of you know God sometimes speaks to you in your dreams? 

Well in this dream I found myself in a room, and as I looked up I saw a woman walk through a door.  As she approached me she said she had a gift for me, but she did not have time to wrap it.  The gift was lying across her arm as she passed it on to me. 

 She moved away from me and as I looked up the door opened again.  I did not see anyone but I felt a presence enter the room.  As the presence approached me I could feel fear and pressure around my neck.  The pressure became so tight I could hardly breathe, and all I could say was,” Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.  In the name of Jesus turn me loose.”  The pressure began to release and I could breathe again.

Then, as I turned around I saw two black ladies sitting at a table.  I could hear God say to me go and pray for the one I lead you to.  He told me she had pain in her left shoulder and He wanted to heal her.  I went over to her and said, “God wants to heal your left shoulder, and as I laid my hands on her shoulder she was healed.  I didn’t even pray.  She was just healed. 

I woke up and knew that was no ordinary dream.  Lovell was already awake and sitting in the living room with his coffee, I filled my cup with coffee and sat down beside him and told him what I just experienced in a dream.  After we talked for a while I went to my desk and began to write down everything about the dream while it was still fresh on my mind.

The entire weekend I pondered the meaning of the dream, I asked God what it meant but nothing came to mind.  On Monday night Carol Lee from Crosby, TX was ministering at Community Church on 16^th Street. She is also gifted in prophecy and ministers much the same way Irene Farley did many years ago. 

I walked in and took a seat, as I looked around the room I saw the black woman in my dream.  My heart began to pound, and I asked, “Lord what does this mean.”  In my dream I went over to pray for her healing.  I knew I had to do the same thing here in real time.  After the ministry time was over I went to her and asked her if she needed healing?”  She said, “no I don’t think so, but come to think of it my left shoulder does give me pain at night, but I just pray it down and it goes away.”

My heart began to pound even more as I told her what God showed me in a dream that He wanted to heal her left shoulder.  I asked if I could pray for her and she said yes please.  After I prayed we exchanged a few words and I walked away not really knowing if God had healed her. 

Later I asked God what was that all about, He begin to let me know the gift of healing Irene told me about many years ago was ready to be used.  You see, in my dream an angel brought it to me, and the enemy the Devil came to me to take it away, maybe even to kill me.  But as I cried out in the name of Jesus, he had to turn me loose.

I told this story to my friend Robert, a man of God that moves in the gift of healing, and he agreed with me about the calling God has given me. God doesn’t work the same with everybody, but I do know looking back those many years ago God wanted me to know there was something special he wanted me to do, but there was much preparation to be made.

A few weeks later I went back to the meeting on 16^th Street and the same lady was there.  I asked if God had healed her that night and she said she has not hurt since.

God knew that in such a time as this He would need me to work in the harvest.  I know in my heart and from what I have learned in the Word of God that these are the last days we are living in, and I am honored that God chose me, and worked with me over the years to become who He wanted me to be while we are here on earth living in the kingdom doing his will as He instructs.

I hear his voice as He directs and instructs me to reach out and pray for those around me.

As scripture states in John 10:27

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”

 I know when He leads me to an individual and tells me to pray, something is going to happen.  I also hear the voice of our Pastor, Daniel Rose as he has instructed us saying, “take the goodness of God out to our community.” 

With God’s help and guidance I will go where He tells me and do what he instructs me to do, because for me that is what I am here to do in such a time as this.

We all have stories to tell and someone needs to hear them.  I do not know everyone that reads my stories, but the one who reads this one was led here by the Holy Spirit.  You may be struggling with a gift you think God has given you, if so don’t give up.  Hold on to the word you have received, talk to God about it because He has a plan, and just like me there may be preparation to be made before you are ready to actually receive.

God works differently with everyone, but this is how He worked with me.

Bless you in your ministry,

Jackie

Tithing, What's In It For Me

It has been a long time since my last post, not because I did not know what I wanted write, but because there has been so much going on in my world I frankly have not had the time to sit down and just write.

 I have always found it a little strange when retired people say their lives are busier now than when they were working.  Well I can relate.  With all the free time, I have been doing all the things I had no time for before;  like reclaiming my home and landscaping from Lovell who retired 6 years before I did related to a medical disability.  Yes just think about that for a minute. LOL

Well enough with the excuses, the subject I’m going to write about is tithing.  Yes that age old problem of too many people wanting their hands in my wallet.  Especially at church when there seems to be so much need not only by the church its self, but by other ministries such as missions, teens and outreaches that you may not know a lot about. 

If you are in church any where you know exactly what I am talking about.  Do I sound a little down on giving, will think again.  Giving and tithing is one of the most important aspects of belonging to the family of God, short of your relationship with Jesus Christ.  If you do not tithe you are missing one of the biggest blessings from heaven you can ever imagine.

      No!  Pastor Daniel has not enlisted my help in asking for tithes, but I being a lay person can say things in my  
      blog  that pastors might find hard to say in a sermon.

      Listen folks I speak from experience and that is one thing that can not be refuted.  You probably think your
     about to hear another sermon on giving and maybe to a certain extent you are, but this may be the most important
     story I have written to date.  This concerns everybody living in the kingdom of God not just a few.

In Malachi 3: 7-12  Scripture states:  

Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the LORD Almighty.  ⁸ “Will a mere mortal rob God?  Yet you rob me. “But you ask, ‘How are we robbing you?’  “In tithes and offerings. ⁹ You are under a curse —your whole nation (or family in today’s language) —because you are robbing me. ¹⁰ Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house (or money to support the church in today’s language).

And here is the kicker:

“Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. ¹¹ I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the Lord Almighty. ¹² “Then all the nations (people, in our language today) will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land, (home, in our language today)” says the LORD Almighty.


This scripture was brought home to me November 19, 1981 when Charles and Frances Hunter otherwise known as the Happy Hunters came to Community Church for a time of ministry.  I had given my life to Jesus approximately four years prior so I was a new Christian.


Lovell and I had just built our home in Mauriceville and money was tight, not to mention the economics of the land was not in our favor.  I remember sitting in the kid’s swing Lovell had strung up in a tall sweet gum tree in our front yard, crying out to God for help. 


If only I had $10,000 dollars, I told God, we would be debt free and I could breathe.  Now don’t laugh, that was a large amount of money in 1981.  I was a stay at home mom and it took all our weekly resources to meet our obligations. 


Sunday night I went to church to hear the Happy Hunters, I knew who they were because I saw them on PTL and knew about their ministry of humor.  At the end of the sermon they spoke about tithes and giving and referenced the above scripture.  They said that was the only instance in the Bible where the Lord said, “test me and prove me”. 


As I said money was tight but I had a $20.00 bill in my purse, I pulled it out and said to God,” I trust your Word Lord”, make it happen, well so to speak.  I left there excited about what God was going to do along with some apprehension as well.


A short time later Lovell said we needed to start tithing to the church, oh; we gave from time to time a few dollars in the offering when I had a little extra, which was not very often. I thought how am I going to tithe when I can only pay my bills.  How many of you have said those exact words.  Oh ye of little faith. 

 Well he was adamant and I complied.  He still says to this day he does not know how I did it, but the money was always there.  Okay, I had to juggle a little but God always provided.


Back to the story:


I can tell you money did not fall from heaven as a result of the $20.00 or the tithing we began, but a short time later Lovell was appointed to a new job making more money without rainouts (he was a construction electrician). And, a car was furnished with all the gas needed.  Did I mention the car was available for us to use as we needed for our family as well. 


Our kids were never sick at least with illnesses that would have been costly, and the bills were paid with extra in the bank.  Wow God was so good, but because God knew the future he began to make further provision for our family.  He had to prepare me for a huge change in my life. 


Lovell lost the job four years later due to a change in the IBEW local politics.  He picked up a job here and there, but soon had to travel to find regular work.  God had begun speaking to me about going to college; I just wanted a career that would keep this from happening again. (That story is in my blog titled, “My Angel”).


I was devastated to be left at home with teenage kids while he worked in New York. He was only able to come home once every six weeks.  During that time we prayed for a job at home but none was available. 


About a year later Lovell found work at home but with a cut in pay.  I was still in school and not ready to graduate for about a year and a half.  I knew when I graduated our lives would be different because RN’s had no problem finding work at any hospital anywhere.  The hospitals were even competing with sign up bonuses.   I kept my nose to the grind stone and graduated May of 1989.


After graduation I signed with Baptist Hospital-Orange because it was close to home.  From that time on God has blessed us in ways I would have never imagined.  You see Lovell and I both came from very poor families and never dreamed we would succeed as we have.


God not only blessed us financially, but blessed our children financially as well.  They are both Christians, married to Christian spouses.  God is so good I can not imagine living my life without him. 


God does not float money from heaven to supply our needs albeit he could if he wanted, but he meets your needs for the long term.  Looking back I never would have dreamed the direction our lives have taken.

One morning a few weeks ago as I was spending time with the Lord reading Luke 5^: 1-8 Jesus dropped a little insight into my heart concerning this story.


  Jesus was standing by a lake and suddenly people began to crowd around him listening to what he was saying.  He used one of the boats at the water’s edge to push off a little bit from the shore.  Your voice carries on the water and that was his microphone. 
When he finished speaking he said to Simon,” go out into the deep water and let your nets down for a catch”. 

Simon was reluctant because he and his friends had fished all night and did not catch a thing, but because Jesus said so, they let down their nets.  
The fish they caught was such a large number that their nets began to break and they had to signal for their friends to come help.  Simon and all his friends were astonished at the catch of fish.


Jesus dropped this message into my heart; you see Jackie the principle of giving is in this story. I needed a boat; Simon had a boat and allowed me to use it.  When I finished with the boat I gave back to Simon even more than he ever expected, if he expected anything at all.


Scripture states in Luke 6:38:


6 “Give and it will be given back to you, a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use it will be measured to you”. 


You see if you give a little you get a little.  So give happily knowing you can’t out give God. 

If you think about this principle of God’s Word it also works in the secular world.  Consider Bill Gates, he has given millions of dollars to charity and God just keeps on giving back to him.  If he can trust you with the blessings he will continue to pour them out.  It is a principle of God’s word.


Well then tithing, what is in it for me? Just about everything, blessings I find hard to contain.  Never doubt God, never, never, never.  He is just waiting to bless you too. 

Jackie

When It All Began

3-15-12

As I have said before we all have stories to tell and we are the only one’s that can tell them.  It is my hope that some of you reading these stories began to think about your stories and put them on paper, if not for a blog for your own self and your grandchildren and their children.

I grew up in the church beginning as a small child when my grandparents picked me up on Sunday morning.  We drove to a very small Nazarene Church tucked in the woods of a north Louisiana town called Robeline.  This small town is sandwiched between two other towns that might be more recognizable called Natchitoches and Many LA.


I always enjoyed telling people where I'm from because Natchitoches is where those famous Christmas lights are displayed all along the river, and where the movie “Steele Magnolias” was filmed. It is a beautiful and quaint small city with rich history.

My family moved away from Robeline and to Orange, Texas when I was in the fourth grade. My dad was employed at The American Bridge Division Steele yard and we settled in one of the homes in Riverside. I loved living in Riverside there were so many kids to play with, and it was especially fun on Halloween because the candy we collected would last for weeks.

 (I’m not a proponent of Halloween as it is celebrated then or today. Back then I didn’t know what I know now).

My dad did not go to church, my mom only went occasionally. Somehow I found myself in a little Pentecostal church on  14^th Street in Orange.  Pastor Stevens was the pastor there and I loved it.  I was not really into all the dos and don’t s of the Pentecostal Church I just liked being back in church fellow shipping with the kids.   

I remember on one occasion I was in Houston with this group of young people at a youth revival. We left the church in a car to go back to where we were staying, we crossed an unmarked railroad track and a train came roaring by and missed us by only a very few feet. It was such a close call I will never forget that moment when I was almost called into eternity.

I can tell you God had a plan for me all along and protected me even then. I know I site this scripture a lot but it is so true and one of my favorites.

In Jeremiah 29:11 scripture states:
11“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  God is so good.

I was about 13 years old and my family moved to a larger home in Riverside. I was the oldest of 3 kids with another on the way. Did I mention we moved across the sidewalk from Lovell and his family? OMG it was love at first site. I could not take my eyes off him, he was so good looking, but he did not know how I felt after all, he called me a “snotty nosed kid”.  I was not deterred, I always stayed up at night to watch him walk into the house after he had been out with friends.  

A short time later when I was 15 the Nazarene Church on 10^th and Cherry was where I was calling home. I loved going to that church as well because the folks there were so loving and accepting of me. I found solid relationships there that lasted through high school. I still keep in touch with some of those guys through Facebook.

All through high school my feelings for Lovell did not change, but he did not know how I felt. My mom and dad began to have problems that lead to a divorce and we moved away to another place in Orange. When I graduated high school I asked him to take me to my graduation and party. He was nice and accepted. We did not date anymore after that until we saw each other at Zack's Hamburger. You remember the place where all the kids met and circled and circled until we found a parking place and with someone we wanted to talk.

I guess he saw something in me that night he had not noticed before and asked me to a New Year's dance at the DERA.  We dated 6 months and he asked me to marry him. Oh happy days my dreams had come true.  I was 18 and he was 21 when we married.

Now getting back to the story:
Lovell and I had been married a number of years and decided to take a road trip out west.  Tim our son was 8 and Erica our daughter was 4.  I started reading some books written about the ancient astronauts and that was the door that opened me up to the occult. 

I knew nothing of the occult, oh I knew there was a Devil and Hell but didn’t realize the implications of opening myself up to what is a very real and evil spirit world.  I was fascinated with the stories of demonic possession and people that spoke to the spirit world.  The more I read the more I was hooked. 

The entire trip I had a book in my hand reading something that pertained to that subject.  The reading continued even after we came home, not quite as much but enough to keep me interested. 

Lovell’s work caused him to have to leave home early to get there on time. 
I began watching television waiting for time to get Tim up for school; I was searching the stations which didn’t take long seeing as we only had 3 to search and I landed on PTL with Jim and Tammy Faye Baker.  I watched because I liked the music and the conversion.  And, there was nothing else on at that time.

 I continued to watch for a few weeks and thought Tammy Faye Baker was really weird the way she made herself up, but I could tell she loved the LORD.

One morning after Lovell left for work I turned the television on for my usual morning session with the Bakers, and as I sat there I began to feel afraid.  I had never felt afraid before sitting in the living room.

I began to feel a presence in the room a dark feeling like something was going to happen. The fear was almost over whelming for this young mom in the house alone with her 2 small kids.

I didn’t know what was going on but I knew enough about GOD to know I could call on him and he would listen.  Somehow I knew I had to ask for forgiveness of my sins and plead to him for help.  I did just that and at that moment Jesus came into my heart and drove out the darkness. 

I was concerned and wanted to learn what had happened to me.  The more I watched PTL the more I learned there is a spirit world out there and when I started to read those books I opened myself up to the Devil and the demonic world. 

Scripture states in 1 Peter 5:8

“8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. “

I had been going to church for most of my life but had not learned a thing about the evil one at least not in that respect.  Say what you will about Jim and Tammy Baker of PTL, but I credit my salvation as an adult to those two ministers.  If the devil can get a hold of Jim and Tammy Faye as he did he can certainly come after me if I do not watch and submit to God. 

I finally got enough courage to tell Lovell about my new found faith; I say courage because we were frequent flyers at The Circle Club, The Texas Pelican, and some local bars in Bridge City.   I wasn’t sure how he was going to take the news.  I told him I didn’t feel good going to those places any more with the friends we had been seeing. Once those friends found out about me we were pretty much done in their circle anyway. 

Scripture states in 1 Corinthians 15:33 - 34

³³ Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”^{[b] 34} Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning;  

WOW that pretty much says it all.

We started going back to the Nazarene church where we were married, it was good there and we went together as a family.  Lovell had not yet committed to the LORD but he never once pressured me about the friends we left behind or the clubs. 

One day my sister called me and asked us to go with her to a church on

16^th street called Community Church.  I didn’t really want to go, but I did because she didn’t want to go alone.  Of all things, there was a Monk ministering that morning and I got nothing out of that.  Lovell didn’t go back, but I liked the music and there was something about that church.

The people there were friendly and I returned the next Sunday.  Lovell didn’t mind he just stayed home.   The kids and I walked in alone and sit on the second bench from the front.  I didn’t return to the Nazarene Church,  and began to settle in at Community Church. 

I joined a Tuesday morning bible study taught by Pastor Buck.  I loved hearing Pastor Buck teach.  I was so hungry for the Word; I hadn’t heard it taught like he was teaching. 

After a couple of years Pastor Buck announced he was leaving, and I was devastated.  I knew I would never love another pastor as I loved Pastor Buck. 
Well the job was on to find a new pastor and David Berkheimer came to try out.  Apparently he was receiving direction from God concerning a move from his present church in Rosenberg TX near Houston. 

I still remember the sermon he preached that morning. A few weeks went by and the call was made.  He was coming to Orange, we had a new pastor.  The rest is history; he stepped down as senior pastor July 31, 2011 after 32 years.

Again I was devastated; I sit under his ministry so long I thought nothing would ever be the same, but I vowed to support the new senior pastor.  Pastor David laid the foundation for what Community Church has become today, and Pastor Daniel is picking up the mantle with new vision and direction from GOD for Orange and the surrounding communities.  We the church are blessed to have him and Mary Beth as our leaders.

Well let me get back to the story:

Lovell did not chose to go with the kids and me to Community for a long time but GOD gave me a scripture that kept me strong and allowed him to come in when he was ready.

Scripture states in  1 Peter 3:1

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words but by the behavior of their wives.”

In other words keep your mouth shut and let GOD do the work.  In approximately 2 years he received salvation and was baptized.  I did not join the church for those years prior because I wanted us to join together as a family.  We have seen many mighty acts of GOD since then and we raised our children on the foundation of GOD’S Word.  Praise GOD they are doing the same.

The essential point of this story was to tell the account of the demonic encounter, and how if we open the door to that world evil will come in and try to devour us.  Always be watchful of what you read, watch on television and get involved with because he can sneak in and you may not even realize he is there until one day something dreadful happens to change the course of your life for the worst.  With Satan comes fear, confusion and disappointment,  And That Does Not Come From GOD.
As I said before God only wants the best for us.  He loves you so much even if you don’t love him.  He’s there waiting for you to call out to him and receive Jesus into your heart.

Jackie

Un-forgiveness / Forgiveness

When I asked God what he wanted me to write about I did not get an answer.  That is not to say there aren’t still lots of topics where I have been an over comer.  I just want to hear from Him, because when the anointing comes the words flow and I find the writing is much easier.  

As I continued to ask for his guidance he began to whisper forgiveness in my ear, and oh yes, I was afraid that was going to happen.  One of the hardest obstacles we as Christians have to hurdle is un-forgiveness and forgiveness, and I’m no different. 

It’s not enough for me to humble myself as I have never humbled myself before, but now God, you want me to tell it on the World Wide Web (www).  You will see what I mean as you read further.

Please remember as you read this I am still a work in progress. I have been called and redeemed by the blood of Jesus, forgiven of my sins because of that blood he shed on the cross, and filled with the Holy Spirit that was sent after Jesus ascended into heaven and sit down at the right hand of the Father.  That is called relationship with Jesus, being changed day by day and year by year from the inside out so as to look more like Him.

I will call the characters in this story by names that are not their own.

Dan Seaborn quotes from an article called, “Can You Ever Forgive Me:”,

“Forgiveness is freeing your spirit, heart and mind. Forgiveness is taking care of you and restoring your relationship with God to wholeness.”
God had a reason when he said in, Ephesians 4:26
²⁶ “In your anger do not sin,^:
Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

He didn’t say I would never get angry just be careful it does not control me or the out come, because issues will build up and become blown totally out of proportion if not dealt with soon.

This is what happened to me.  Lovell and I thought we were doing a good thing for someone we knew, I’ll call Maggie.  Most of her life she lived in substandard housing, in neighborhoods that were less than desirable. These homes and apartments were rotting around her with bug infestations that would be intolerable for any of us.  This was the normal way of life for her. 

In this particular neighborhood danger was becoming evident by the numerous police calls and she was becoming afraid to be at home.  Lovell and I talked the situation over and found it within our means to purchase a nice 3 bedroom home in a safe neighborhood. 

We were able to get the home declared a HUD home and we as the home owners could charge what ever we wanted but HUD would only reimburse a said amount. Lovell and I agreed Maggie would live there rent free only having to pay the utilities.

The home needed some repairs but we were up to the challenge.  That was when we had lots more energy and stamina than we do now.

 We purchased the supplies, climbed on the roof and with the help of Lovell’s brothers replaced it with a new one. Lovell and I repainted the whole interior of the house, replaced the kitchen and dining room tiles, shampooed the carpets and scrubbed every inch of the house that could be scrubbed.  We even let Maggie choose the paint colors.

I was about to get new furniture for my home so I passed my used furniture on to her.  We were so happy for Maggie and I think she was happy too at first.

When moving day arrived Lovell and I were there to move her into the safe, clean and bug free home.

After settling Maggie into her new home we soon began to get phone calls from her complaining about the central air and heating system.  She could never figure out how to use the thermostat to control the temperature even after showing her on numerous occasions. Maggie was never happy with the garage door and its operation, this from a woman who never had a garage or central air or heat. 

 During this time Maggie was grieving over a man I’ll call Don.  She met and fell in love with him, but soon landed back in prison for parole violations, if my memory serves me correctly. Maggie thought only of the day he would return so she and Don could get married.

Various complaints kept coming regarding the house and Lovell and I began to wonder if we had made a mistake.  As good as the idea was to get her out of the neighborhood she was previously in; we did not ask God for his direction.  I think this might be a problem with a lot of of us Christians where problem seem to ensue as a result.

 

Scripture states in Proverbs 3:5-6     ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your 

heart and lean not on your own understanding;  ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your

paths straight.

In other words just because it sounds good and looks good does not always play out for the best.  Submit your plan to the Lord and let Him direct you.  If He says okay and you have peace move forward, but continually bring the venture before Him for guidance and direction.  Obviously from what you are reading we did not consult the Lord about this venture nor did we pray about it along the way. 

How many times does God have to take us around the same block before we get it in our heads to seek him first about decisions we want to make.  Well for me, there have been many times I’m sorry to say.  

Early in the year of 1992 Don was released from prison and moved into the house with her.  He obtained a job and plans were being made for a May wedding.  Maggie finally began to show signs of happiness.

During this time Lovell and I applied to HUD for an increase in the amount of money they were allowing for the home. 

Following approval of the increase a letter was sent to Maggie from HUD indicating the amount HUD was paying to the homeowner (us) for the use of the home was going to increase, and her rent might as well.  Remember earlier I said she was not paying any rent, only utilities. 

Maggie became irate, she came to my job at Baptist Hospital – Orange and wanted to know the meaning of the letter.  She stood in the hallway outside my office, and in a raised voice accused Lovell and me of underhanded attempts to raise the rent because Don was there.  I tried to explain but she did not want to listen or she did not understand the contract.  The increase was what HUD was going to pay us for the use of the home, and we could charge any amount for the rent.

There was no appeasing her and finally I just had to ask her to leave.  She yelled at me until she got on the elevator to leave.  I was mortified and hurt that she would do such a thing after all we had done. 

 A few months later the wedding took place and Lovell and I were invited. The atmosphere was cool to say the least and nothing was said of the past events. 

As time passed the garage door became more of a thorn in her side.  Maggie had it replaced because she backed into it with her car.  She replaced the door at her expense and without our knowledge. She also had a garage door opener installed.

I will skip forward and say she never recovered from her thoughts of Lovell and me trying to take advantage of her.  Even though we never charged any rent or up keep on the home. 

She and her husband found another house and moved out without telling us.  We never knew the reason they moved, but when they left they trashed the house and left trash that we had to haul away. This was the house we purchased for her and worked so hard to make nice for her.

I was angry to say the least.  But more than that, I was hurt and hurt to the very core of my being.  I could not stop crying and thinking about what she did. Her family was angry with me, because I could not let it go and let it smooth over. 

I spoke to our Pastor’s wife Melba Berkheimer about the anger I was experiencing.  Melba was not only a godly woman but also a Licensed Family Counselor.  She told me I had to forgive her, but that was not what I wanted to hear. 

She spoke of the forgiveness God sent his son to provide for me, and yes, yes I knew all that, but it was not an easy pill to swallow.  She told me to write letters to the people involved, and offer my forgiveness for all the things Maggie did. Melba said forgiveness didn’t have anything to do with the way I felt, my forgiveness would free God to take the situation and make all things right again in his timing.  She said the forgiving feelings in my heart would take time. 

I wrote the letters but they were as cold as I was in my heart when I sent them.  The relationship with Maggie did not recover until one day God began speaking with me to go by her house.

It took months of prodding and conviction from God, but one day after church I got in the car and went to see her. Don her husband was back in prison, and she was living the same kind of life as before we intervened.  I asked her to forgive me for my hard heartedness toward her. God began to restore the relationship but it was a slow process. 

A few weeks later she announced she would be having a complete knee replacement. The surgery was done in Lake Charles and after work I went over to check on her. 

Shortly thereafter she was released and sent home.  The knee was healing; she had even begun to walk some. Her family had started other medical testing they felt necessary at the time. It was after one of those tests that she went home and suffered a massive hemorrhagic stroke in which she did not recover.  She died a few days later after the family agreed to remove life support. 

God knew her future and because he loved me and Maggie so much he brought us to a place of reconciliation before she was taken away.  If I had not obeyed His voice and let my pride control me that reconciliation would not have taken place.  I thank Him for that and I know I will see her again someday in Heaven, because she had given her heart to Jesus.

Her family has been estranged from me for the last 20 years because of the events that took place.  About 6 months ago I was praying for the situation as I do from time to time, and God said send another letter.  This time write down what I tell you, and don’t think twice about sending it.  The letter was sent as follows:

10-14-11

Maggie’s family: No name here for obvious reasons:

Sometimes things can be better said in the written word than in person where emotions can rule the situation, and get in the way of what really needs to be said.  So I hope you read this with a heart to listen and hear what is in my heart. 

With as much as I know about Satan I wonder why I allowed him to manipulate me in such a way as to cause a split in our relationships.  I take full responsibility for the things that have upset you and me and caused us grief. 

There may be too much water under the bridge for us to ever achieve the relationship we once had years ago, but I want you to know that’s okay.  God has a way of healing wounds in a way that can never heal on their own, and restore relationships in his own timing.  For me there is no need to rehash the past or revisit the I said she said path. That is what the enemy would like us to do because he is in the blame game.  God is only concerned with forgiveness. 

Maybe God has been speaking to you as well about this subject, if so I hope you will forgive me for the past years I have allowed this to go on.  Un-forgiveness will truly take its toll on a person’s life if it is not dealt with and given to God for healing.  That is what I am doing, so please find it in your heart to forgive me as I lay this burden down and leave it finally at the feet of my Lord once and for all.   It is my prayer that you find as much peace from this as I have. 

To God be the glory.

I hope by telling my story it will help someone to see a little more clearly about un-forgiveness and forgiveness.  If not dealt with soon it will eventually destroy you and the relationships of all involved. 

When you store un-forgiveness or resentment in your heart, it is like a seed that grows whether you are conscience of it or not. At first it starts out as anger, it then turns into resentment and then bitterness.
* Forgiveness can't be based on feelings.  Our feelings change.  Forgiveness, however is an act of obedience. An act of faith....forgiveness is living free of consuming bitterness.  *by Gigi Tchividjian. 
Bitterness that begins to affect your mind and thoughts and how you view and treat others.  Thank God I dealt with that before Maggie died, and I’ve left the other at the feet of Jesus.  God knew!

Jackie