Un-forgiveness / Forgiveness

When I asked God what he wanted me to write about I did not get an answer.  That is not to say there aren’t still lots of topics where I have been an over comer.  I just want to hear from Him, because when the anointing comes the words flow and I find the writing is much easier.  

As I continued to ask for his guidance he began to whisper forgiveness in my ear, and oh yes, I was afraid that was going to happen.  One of the hardest obstacles we as Christians have to hurdle is un-forgiveness and forgiveness, and I’m no different. 

It’s not enough for me to humble myself as I have never humbled myself before, but now God, you want me to tell it on the World Wide Web (www).  You will see what I mean as you read further.

Please remember as you read this I am still a work in progress. I have been called and redeemed by the blood of Jesus, forgiven of my sins because of that blood he shed on the cross, and filled with the Holy Spirit that was sent after Jesus ascended into heaven and sit down at the right hand of the Father.  That is called relationship with Jesus, being changed day by day and year by year from the inside out so as to look more like Him.

I will call the characters in this story by names that are not their own.

Dan Seaborn quotes from an article called, “Can You Ever Forgive Me:”,

“Forgiveness is freeing your spirit, heart and mind. Forgiveness is taking care of you and restoring your relationship with God to wholeness.”
God had a reason when he said in, Ephesians 4:26
²⁶ “In your anger do not sin,^:
Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

He didn’t say I would never get angry just be careful it does not control me or the out come, because issues will build up and become blown totally out of proportion if not dealt with soon.

This is what happened to me.  Lovell and I thought we were doing a good thing for someone we knew, I’ll call Maggie.  Most of her life she lived in substandard housing, in neighborhoods that were less than desirable. These homes and apartments were rotting around her with bug infestations that would be intolerable for any of us.  This was the normal way of life for her. 

In this particular neighborhood danger was becoming evident by the numerous police calls and she was becoming afraid to be at home.  Lovell and I talked the situation over and found it within our means to purchase a nice 3 bedroom home in a safe neighborhood. 

We were able to get the home declared a HUD home and we as the home owners could charge what ever we wanted but HUD would only reimburse a said amount. Lovell and I agreed Maggie would live there rent free only having to pay the utilities.

The home needed some repairs but we were up to the challenge.  That was when we had lots more energy and stamina than we do now.

 We purchased the supplies, climbed on the roof and with the help of Lovell’s brothers replaced it with a new one. Lovell and I repainted the whole interior of the house, replaced the kitchen and dining room tiles, shampooed the carpets and scrubbed every inch of the house that could be scrubbed.  We even let Maggie choose the paint colors.

I was about to get new furniture for my home so I passed my used furniture on to her.  We were so happy for Maggie and I think she was happy too at first.

When moving day arrived Lovell and I were there to move her into the safe, clean and bug free home.

After settling Maggie into her new home we soon began to get phone calls from her complaining about the central air and heating system.  She could never figure out how to use the thermostat to control the temperature even after showing her on numerous occasions. Maggie was never happy with the garage door and its operation, this from a woman who never had a garage or central air or heat. 

 During this time Maggie was grieving over a man I’ll call Don.  She met and fell in love with him, but soon landed back in prison for parole violations, if my memory serves me correctly. Maggie thought only of the day he would return so she and Don could get married.

Various complaints kept coming regarding the house and Lovell and I began to wonder if we had made a mistake.  As good as the idea was to get her out of the neighborhood she was previously in; we did not ask God for his direction.  I think this might be a problem with a lot of of us Christians where problem seem to ensue as a result.

 

Scripture states in Proverbs 3:5-6     ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your 

heart and lean not on your own understanding;  ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your

paths straight.

In other words just because it sounds good and looks good does not always play out for the best.  Submit your plan to the Lord and let Him direct you.  If He says okay and you have peace move forward, but continually bring the venture before Him for guidance and direction.  Obviously from what you are reading we did not consult the Lord about this venture nor did we pray about it along the way. 

How many times does God have to take us around the same block before we get it in our heads to seek him first about decisions we want to make.  Well for me, there have been many times I’m sorry to say.  

Early in the year of 1992 Don was released from prison and moved into the house with her.  He obtained a job and plans were being made for a May wedding.  Maggie finally began to show signs of happiness.

During this time Lovell and I applied to HUD for an increase in the amount of money they were allowing for the home. 

Following approval of the increase a letter was sent to Maggie from HUD indicating the amount HUD was paying to the homeowner (us) for the use of the home was going to increase, and her rent might as well.  Remember earlier I said she was not paying any rent, only utilities. 

Maggie became irate, she came to my job at Baptist Hospital – Orange and wanted to know the meaning of the letter.  She stood in the hallway outside my office, and in a raised voice accused Lovell and me of underhanded attempts to raise the rent because Don was there.  I tried to explain but she did not want to listen or she did not understand the contract.  The increase was what HUD was going to pay us for the use of the home, and we could charge any amount for the rent.

There was no appeasing her and finally I just had to ask her to leave.  She yelled at me until she got on the elevator to leave.  I was mortified and hurt that she would do such a thing after all we had done. 

 A few months later the wedding took place and Lovell and I were invited. The atmosphere was cool to say the least and nothing was said of the past events. 

As time passed the garage door became more of a thorn in her side.  Maggie had it replaced because she backed into it with her car.  She replaced the door at her expense and without our knowledge. She also had a garage door opener installed.

I will skip forward and say she never recovered from her thoughts of Lovell and me trying to take advantage of her.  Even though we never charged any rent or up keep on the home. 

She and her husband found another house and moved out without telling us.  We never knew the reason they moved, but when they left they trashed the house and left trash that we had to haul away. This was the house we purchased for her and worked so hard to make nice for her.

I was angry to say the least.  But more than that, I was hurt and hurt to the very core of my being.  I could not stop crying and thinking about what she did. Her family was angry with me, because I could not let it go and let it smooth over. 

I spoke to our Pastor’s wife Melba Berkheimer about the anger I was experiencing.  Melba was not only a godly woman but also a Licensed Family Counselor.  She told me I had to forgive her, but that was not what I wanted to hear. 

She spoke of the forgiveness God sent his son to provide for me, and yes, yes I knew all that, but it was not an easy pill to swallow.  She told me to write letters to the people involved, and offer my forgiveness for all the things Maggie did. Melba said forgiveness didn’t have anything to do with the way I felt, my forgiveness would free God to take the situation and make all things right again in his timing.  She said the forgiving feelings in my heart would take time. 

I wrote the letters but they were as cold as I was in my heart when I sent them.  The relationship with Maggie did not recover until one day God began speaking with me to go by her house.

It took months of prodding and conviction from God, but one day after church I got in the car and went to see her. Don her husband was back in prison, and she was living the same kind of life as before we intervened.  I asked her to forgive me for my hard heartedness toward her. God began to restore the relationship but it was a slow process. 

A few weeks later she announced she would be having a complete knee replacement. The surgery was done in Lake Charles and after work I went over to check on her. 

Shortly thereafter she was released and sent home.  The knee was healing; she had even begun to walk some. Her family had started other medical testing they felt necessary at the time. It was after one of those tests that she went home and suffered a massive hemorrhagic stroke in which she did not recover.  She died a few days later after the family agreed to remove life support. 

God knew her future and because he loved me and Maggie so much he brought us to a place of reconciliation before she was taken away.  If I had not obeyed His voice and let my pride control me that reconciliation would not have taken place.  I thank Him for that and I know I will see her again someday in Heaven, because she had given her heart to Jesus.

Her family has been estranged from me for the last 20 years because of the events that took place.  About 6 months ago I was praying for the situation as I do from time to time, and God said send another letter.  This time write down what I tell you, and don’t think twice about sending it.  The letter was sent as follows:

10-14-11

Maggie’s family: No name here for obvious reasons:

Sometimes things can be better said in the written word than in person where emotions can rule the situation, and get in the way of what really needs to be said.  So I hope you read this with a heart to listen and hear what is in my heart. 

With as much as I know about Satan I wonder why I allowed him to manipulate me in such a way as to cause a split in our relationships.  I take full responsibility for the things that have upset you and me and caused us grief. 

There may be too much water under the bridge for us to ever achieve the relationship we once had years ago, but I want you to know that’s okay.  God has a way of healing wounds in a way that can never heal on their own, and restore relationships in his own timing.  For me there is no need to rehash the past or revisit the I said she said path. That is what the enemy would like us to do because he is in the blame game.  God is only concerned with forgiveness. 

Maybe God has been speaking to you as well about this subject, if so I hope you will forgive me for the past years I have allowed this to go on.  Un-forgiveness will truly take its toll on a person’s life if it is not dealt with and given to God for healing.  That is what I am doing, so please find it in your heart to forgive me as I lay this burden down and leave it finally at the feet of my Lord once and for all.   It is my prayer that you find as much peace from this as I have. 

To God be the glory.

I hope by telling my story it will help someone to see a little more clearly about un-forgiveness and forgiveness.  If not dealt with soon it will eventually destroy you and the relationships of all involved. 

When you store un-forgiveness or resentment in your heart, it is like a seed that grows whether you are conscience of it or not. At first it starts out as anger, it then turns into resentment and then bitterness.
* Forgiveness can't be based on feelings.  Our feelings change.  Forgiveness, however is an act of obedience. An act of faith....forgiveness is living free of consuming bitterness.  *by Gigi Tchividjian. 
Bitterness that begins to affect your mind and thoughts and how you view and treat others.  Thank God I dealt with that before Maggie died, and I’ve left the other at the feet of Jesus.  God knew!

Jackie

Erica's Story

After many prayers, confrontations and anxious moments Lovell and I finally saw our son Tim and Erica our daughter through their teenage years.  And as many parents can attest I thought if I made it through those years, would I ever like them again?   But as time passed I found I was allowing them back into my good graces. 

I’m sure they were no different than most teens stretching their wings trying to find their way in life.  I just found myself ill-equipped to connect with the designer generation, and all the pressure that came with trying to keep up on a limited income.  But, somehow with the Grace of God and the knowledge we gained from Pastor David Bernheimer’s messages on the gifts of tithing and giving we made it through.

  Lovell looks back and comments about how I was able to make all the payments we had coming in each month with the money that was available to me.  Well it was totally God. 

Malachi 3:9 is my personal favorite scripture because it is a test me and prove me scripture.  I did test it and God proved it.  But this is a whole new story that I may write about in the future.

Scripture states in:

 Malachi 3:9

 “In tithes and offerings, ¹⁰ Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.

And in:

Luke 6:38 scripture states:

³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

At that time all three of us Tim, Erica and I were in college. With help through student loans, scholarships, the credit card, and what cash we could muster, we all graduated.  Tim and Erica both worked part time in order to help pay for their education.  I am so very proud of them both.

Before Tim completely finished college he married and settled down with his wife Christi.   A couple of years later we were enjoying our first grandchild, a chubby little boy named Brandon.  Erica’s graduation from college would come later; she was working for a law firm in Beaumont in her degree field.  I began my career at Baptist Hospital- Orange and soon moved over to The Endoscopy Center of Southeast Texas. Life was good, she was preparing to move out when she graduated, and I was looking toward to life again with just Lovell and me.

Erica was and is a beautiful young woman.  While she was working at the law firm in Beaumont she began dating a co-worker I will call John (though not his real name).  Erica had been raised in the church since the age of four and knew God as a child, but as a teenager she was lured away by the excitement of parties, friends and boyfriends. 

John was not a Christian and played music in a local Beaumont band. Erica spent her weekends waiting for him at a nearby table in whatever club he was playing.  This went on for approximately two years.  It’s not that we did not like John we just wanted Erica to eventually come into God’s plan for her and marry a Christian man.

 Lovell and I prayed for John to accept the Lord and allow that relationship with God to change his life.  Erica invited him to church and he came on several occasions, but was never interested enough to say yes to the Lord. 

One morning Lovell and I were praying together as we did every morning before work and God gave me a scripture concerning their relationship.

 Scripture states in:

2 Corinthians 6:14

^“14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?”

 Well, we finally had some prayer direction and began to pray what God said.  Within two weeks they broke up.  

Lovell and I were stunned when she told us, but said nothing of our prayers.  About two weeks later they were seeing each other again.  We did not deter from what we heard God say.  We continued to pray and claim the scripture.  They broke up again a short time later and that was the end.  I’m sure it was hard for Erica, but I believe she came to realize there was a better life than waiting for her man in the clubs.

Not to much time passed and our good friend David Wagner invited us to come to his Ordination for pastor.  Erica came along because she knew the family, and because she and their son were in the youth group together at our church. Erica and Randy had not seen each other for a number of years related to college and work, so naturally a date was made a few days later to catch up on their activities.  They began to date in April and by September they announced their engagement to be married.

We were so happy about that announcement.  We knew Randy and his parents and how they raised him as we raised Erica.  God had answered our prayers. They were married in December on Erica’s birthday.

 Again let me say God is so faithful to hear us when we pray.  Sometime the outcome is not always what we envision, but His plan is always better.

They have been married 13 years and have 2 wonderful little girls.  Erica is a stay at home mom, and they are raising the girls with their same Christian values. 

Erica serves her Lord Jesus wholeheartedly putting Him first, then her husband, and then her children.  Just the way God teaches.  She studies the Word to show herself approved by God, and I am amazed at her wisdom and knowledge of that Word.  She is truly a woman of God.  This mom could not be more proud of a daughter and what God has done in her life.

The road was not always smooth raising Erica through those teenage years, but her dad and I never gave up trusting that God had a plan for her, a plan to give her hope and a future following Him. 

There is a scripture that says, and I will paraphrase, train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it.  There may be parents out there today that are standing in the gap for their children because they have veered away from God, please do not give up on them or God’s plan for them. 

He will only let them go so far and then begin to reel them back. He chases after them until they either say NO, or they run back to the arms that are always open.  Regardless God is always faithful to be there when they call.

A grateful MOM

The Quiet Place

A Quiet Place

Mark 6:31

³¹ Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

“Come away to a quiet place”…………is there such a thing as a quiet place anymore? 

We can all relate to the business in our lives what with our work, families, our music, television, video games, little league games, dance lessons, school, homework and yes even church.

Is there really a quiet place we can go to other than our bed, as we fall into it half unconscious and sleep only to get up and do the same thing again the next day? 

Really, this has been a way of life for me most of my adult life.  I am one of those type A personalities that tries to tuck into the day all the multi-tasking I can.  Have you ever come home from work or school tired and mentally drained, and all you want to do is just lay your head down and close your eyes in a quiet place for just a few minutes. 

Maybe when you get to be my age you can do that, but for some of you young mothers that still have children at home it is just not possible.  Please, I remember, when my kids would get home from school, there was always some kind of practice to go to.  Dinner to prepare, dishes to clean, washing to get done so those all important practice uniforms could be clean for the next day, and oh yes, homework that was quickly becoming over my head, but I didn’t dare let on that I didn’t understand. 

I think in today’s world we as wives, mothers, career women, and those of us who volunteer in some capacity might all find it difficult to eliminate hurry from our lives long enough to go to a quiet place. 

In the book, “The Life You’ve Always Wanted”,  written by John Ortberg, he quotes someone by the name of Carl Jung stating, “hurry is not of the devil, hurry is the devil.” 

Ortberg also writes,  “We seem to be under the illusion that if we hurry it will buy us more time. When in reality it can destroy our souls.  Not that we will renounce our faith but we could become so preoccupied and distracted that we settle for less than what God has for us.  We become less effective for the Kingdom of God.  Even Jesus felt the need to pull away from the crowds of people, for instance when he chose his disciples in”.

Luke 6:12 – 13  

 ¹² One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside, and spent the night praying to God.

¹³ When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated, apostles.

Matthew 14:23

²³ After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.
God wants us to come away by ourselves to a quiet place.  Silence always involves listening.  Just to stop talking without listening to God is not silence.  I am going to give you 4 little moments of silence that fills our day. Moments you might not have even thought about.
 
Consider early morning in bed before you get out of bed. 
One thing I remember a friend saying was before he gets up in the morning he thinks about the Lord’s Prayer.

The 23 Psalm

THE LORD is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack.

    ²He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.
    ³He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him--not for my earning it, but] for His name's sake.
    ⁴Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me.  ⁵You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with ^[a]oil; my [brimming] cup runs over.
    ⁶Surely only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place.

When you have that first cup of coffee in the morning, invite Jesus to come and sit with you before the day begins.  You probably have not thought about Jesus waiting for you to wake up, and now that you’re awake he wants to spend some time with you.

When you’re stopped at one of those traffic lights that you think will never give you a green light to turn is an opportunity to just say the name of Jesus, it brings such peace.

This is my personal favorite: 
Step outside just before dusk and experience the gift of a beautiful sunset, or just before you go to bed step out and listen to the night.

The Consecrated Place
³ The LORD said to Solomon in

1 Kings 9:3

“I have heard the prayer and plea you have made before me; I have consecrated this temple, which you have built, by putting my Name there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.”

In this passage Solomon had finished building the temple of the Lord and the royal palace.  God appeared to him and assured him his eyes and heart would always be there.

In a Wednesday night Bible study we learned how to choose a quiet place to experience the presence of God.  We choose the place and God will consecrate it. “His eyes and his heart will always be there.”  We were taught to anoint our place with oil.

 ⁹ “Take the anointing oil and anoint the tabernacle and everything in it; consecrate it and all its furnishings, and it will be holy. 

(In your case the place you have chosen as your quiet place)

This could be a spare bedroom, the end of your sofa, your dining table, a place to go where you can wait, and listen. To rest in the arms of Peace.  Come to that place with expectation of meeting Him there.  Just sit quietly before the Lord, sometimes talking can block the power of God.  Concentrate on Him and let Him minister to you. 

Can you just imagine choosing your quiet place and anointing it with oil and everything around you there, and then allowing God to consecrate that place.  A place God calls holy “His eyes and his heart will always be there.”

Scripture says,
Psalm 37:7
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.

In  Lamentations 3:25-26
25 “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; 26 “it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” 
So find a little time in your day and wait for Him and allow the power of the Holy Spirit to flow over you.  For me, the more I go to my consecrated place the sooner I hear from God.  Also for me, having my worship music playing softly in the background seems to prepare me to enter into his presence.

Story of Teddy

When I first began to go to my consecrated place I actually experienced what I will call a miracle in my own life. 

* I have never been an animal lover and really didn’t want them around me at all. We had dogs as our children grew up, but for me the further away the dog the better. 
One morning about 4 ½ years ago as I began my praise and worship in my consecrated place at the end of the sofa,  I got up and started to walk, the more I walked the more I found myself worshiping.  
Then I felt the Holy Spirit come over me and as I looked around I saw our large 100 lb. mixed breed Lab looking at me through the glass patio door.  By that time I was just blubbering from the presence of the Holy Spirit.
At that moment when I saw Teddy a love for that animal came over me that I had never felt for some humans, much less a dog.  I ran to that dog grabbed him up and began to hug him. I think Teddy was just as astonished as I was.  I looked around to make sure nobody else was watching me, wondering if I had lost my mind.

Let me tell you God is so good.  I didn’t know it at the time but Teddy was dying.  A few months later he did die with Congestive Heart Failure. God allowed me to experience a love for him in his last days that I had never felt before.  God changed me in an instant, and that change has carried over to this day.

My adult kids look at me and shake their heads in unbelief at the change God made in me. Lovell and I have a small Maltese named Buddy that we love dearly.  He has enriched my life greatly. 

I am so grateful for that day when I sat down with the Lord to spend some quiet time with him in my consecrated place. God not only changed my heart for animals he also gave me a softer heart for people.  He truly changed my heart.

There is one more place I call my quiet place and it is out side on my deck in my swing.  I am awed by God’s creation.  I have seen some of the most incredible sunsets you could ever want to see.  Just being quiet and letting God visit with me a few minutes while the sun is going down has been at times an awesome experience.

I have been a Christian for over 35 years.  I’ve seen a lot and experienced a lot, some good and some bad, and probably more than most.  But God still touches my heart in ways that cause me to weep in his presence. 

I have to be honest though and say I don’t always take the time to sit down with him.  Sometimes my quiet place is turning off all the noises in the house and going about my day thinking about Him, praying to Him, singing to Him and trying to leave my burdens at His feet. 

Jesus says, “Come away with me to a quiet place and get some rest.” His eyes and his heart will be there.

Father we all have busy lives that demand our thoughts and time.  Please, Lord cause us to come away with you to the quiet place and experience your presence and rest. 

Jackie

My Angel

My Angel

February 10, 2012

Again let me say we all have stories to tell and no one can tell them the way we can.  So here is another one of my attempts to glorify my God and Savior Jesus Christ. 

In 1985 after a 2 ½ year Bible Study with a precious woman of God and Prophet my faith was soaring to heights I had not known before.  And let me tell you, what I am about to write would never have happened otherwise. 

When the Bible Study ended and my Tuesdays and Wednesdays were free God began to stir something inside me.  My children were in junior high and high school and my days were long.  As I pondered what to do with my time I began to think about going to work, but I had no working skills that would bring in a decent salary.  Believe me it did not take long to figure that out. 

I began to lean toward a formal education but had no idea where to start or what I wanted to study.  I checked out cosmetology because my sister was in that field, but quickly realized I did not want to stand on my feet all day.  I looked at college but had always believed the lie of Satan that whispered in my ear for years that I was not smart enough to go to college.  But, as I said my faith was soaring and I decided to check out the local community college in Orange.

When I decided to take the plunge (in spite of my low SAT score) into the realm of higher education I really needed a word from the Lord.  I prayed and asked God to confirm to me the direction I felt He was leading. He gave me a scripture that I leaned on for my entire college career. Philippians 4:13, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength”.

I did not know what I wanted to study but enrolled anyway and began with 2 classes in the spring regular semester of 1986.  Even with my elevated faith level I was still scared when I walked through those doors and sat down in my first college class... history

I was amazed because I felt like a dry sponge soaking up all the information that was presented and I loved every minute.  Even the homework that had me tied to my desk 2-4 hours after arriving home did not present a challenge to me, mainly because my husband and family were 100% supportive in my decision to return to school.

My history professor was like no other instructor I remembered in junior high or high school.  He opened up to me the world of history like a story unfolding before my very eyes.  To my amazement it was almost like hearing it for the first time.  I also enrolled into a sociology course that covered subjects I had not studied before. 

When the semester ended I knew Satan was a liar because I had finished the semester with an A and B.  I praised God for helping me every step of the way! Scripture states in, Matthew 19:26 “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.””.

I quickly began to think about summer school and enrolled in both summer sessions.  By fall I was ready to increase my load to 12 hours.  I still had no direction from God but I registered for basic classes that would take me in what ever direction I wanted to go.

I really do not want to appear vain but God is God, and He can move us in the direction He wants us to go even using our faults.  I was sitting in the student center having lunch when a group of nursing students walked through in their uniforms.  I thought to myself, “They really looked nice and professional in those uniforms, I wonder if I could be a nurse?”

I looked into the program and discovered registration occurred once a year.  The nursing school application prerequisite was two semesters of anatomy and physiology before I could submit an application. The grade had to be a B or better for both semesters, or the program would not even consider my application. 

Anatomy and Physiology is a difficult course of study in a regular semester but taken in the summer was very difficult! I virtually had to lock myself in my bedroom for the summer when I was not sitting in the classroom. The scripture God gave me was repeated in my prayers many times, and each time I reminded Him it was because of Him I was in this mess. But, He was faithful to see me through that summer and I passed with a B.   I was able to submit my application to the nursing program.

That year the program looked at 150 applicants with 61 being approved; I was in the 61 approved.  I really felt I had some direction from God as I began the nursing classes.

Little did I know at the time but the nursing program is one of the hardest programs at Lamar University in Beaumont.  My excitement about my future career as a nurse was soon put on the back burner as I delved into the study of nursing.  In the second semester of the study we learned pharmacology and with that we had to calculate the administration of medications.

            Oh, did I forget to mention I am horrible in math and that I have what is called by some a “math block”.  I was terrified because if the pharmacology part of the program was failed a student failed the entire program and would have to begin again.  Talk about pressure!  As the class progressed I continued to claim the scripture God gave me from the beginning.  “I can do all things through Christ, Lord I know your word is true and I stand on it now, in Jesus name.”  The first test had to be passed with an 80, the second with an 85, the next with a 90 and the next with a 95.

The thing is….. If a nurse can’t calculate medications do you really want that nurse taking care of you?  Yeah……not me either. 

Most of my classes were morning and as I drove to Beaumont I prayed most of the way reminding God He didn’t guide me to this place to fail.  I reminded Him of the scripture and told Him,” if I ever needed Him it was now.  I just can’t fail Lord, I just can’t, and I need you now.”

As I sat in class with only days before my first test and possible end of my short career as a nursing student a young Hispanic woman sat down beside me.  I was on the aisle seat in a graduated seating level.  I can remember this as if it happened yesterday.  She said, “You look like you are having trouble.”  I said, Yes I am! I just can’t get this and I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

She said to me, “Let me show you another way to calculate these equations and get the same answer.”  It was as if a light was turned on in my brain and I understood what she was showing me.  I could do the problems and get the same answer as the instructor.  It was a miracle!   I took the test days later and passed. I also passed all the other tests including the calculations presented in different scenarios for the remainder of courses.

The funny thing is, I did not ever see that young woman again! I am convinced to this day and get chills when I say this, but God sent an angel to me in response to His word. 

In Numbers 23:19 scripture states, ^“19 God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill”?  

I graduated from college with my RN nursing degree and passed the state board test.  God guided my every career step from then until I retired from my position as Center Director/Administrator of The Endoscopy Center of Southeast Texas in Beaumont Texas.

Let me say in my humble opinion those SAT scores are no indication of what a student is capable of achieving.  

In Jeremiah 29:11 scripture states, ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart”.

God is so good!  When you hear see me speak of what God has done for me or even read what I post on my Facebook about how awesome God is, you will know I mean what I say. What he did for me he will do for you.  All he requires from you is that you give your heart to Him and walk according to his word. 

All you need to do is ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins and ask that He come into your heart and be Lord of your life.  He will and with that, “therefore there is now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus”, Romans 8:1.  He loves you more than you can possibly know.

Jackie

The Stroke

We all have stories and we are the only ones that can tell them.  My story is of what Jesus did for me as I called out in desperation for the life of my husband, Lovell.  How Jesus was near in this time of trouble.

Scripture states in Psalms 50:15 “and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me."  This scripture means so much to me because on June 6, 2006 I called out in desperation to Jesus and He heard me. 

It was Thursday afternoon, our usual day to work on the lawn.  When I arrived home from work,  I found Lovell sitting inside the house, drinking a cold glass of water while cooling off  from the work he had already begun outside.  We sat and talked for a while as we reviewed the day together.

A short while later, we both went back outside to finish up the yard work.  I went to the back yard to begin mowing the grass.  Lovell began using the weed-eater in the front yard.  Once he finished the front yard, he came to the backyard where I was, to finish up there.

The time was approching 7:00 pm but the temperature was still very hot.  I turned around  to look at Lovell and he was standing on the deck looking toward the lake.  I turned back around to resume my work, but Lovell remained standing and was very still.  A minute passed and I looked back again and asked him what he was doing.  He did not answer me and I knew something was not right.

I walked over to Lovell and immediately noticed he was in a dazed state.  He was holding the weed-eater in his hands, but he was not moving.  I spoke to him again and he did not answer.  I touched him and he felt like a stiff post.  I tried to guide him to a chair but he did not move or respond to me in any way. I moved the chair close by so I could sit him down, but I had to force him down into the chair.

At that time he begun to convulse and foam was coming from his mouth.  I screamed for help to the neighbors but no one heard me over the sounds of their own lawn mowers and weed-eaters.  I knew I had to call 911 and looked around for a phone but it was in the house.  I didn’t want to leave him alone, but I had no choice.

As Lovell sat slumped over and convulsing, I ran into the house and found a phone. I ran back to where Lovell was and dialed 911.  I screamed again for help, but still no one heard me.  At that moment I screamed, “Jesus help me, Jesus help me, Jesus help me!” and a thought came to my mind to get the water hose and spray him down.  I did just that! I misted him down until he was completely drenched with water, all the while constantly calling his name, trying to get a response from him.

 

The fire station on Meeks Drive is relatively close to our home and they were the first to arrive. The ambulance arrived soon after.  As they worked on Lovell, attempting to get a response,  I stood back and prayed in the Spirit.  At that point I did not care what I sounded like or what I looked like to the first responders, all I knew was I wanted Jesus in this situation.  Also, during this time I managed to call our son Tim to let him know what happened.  He was in Beaumont but left immediately to be with Lovell and me.

As they loaded him on the stretcher he begin to respond slowly to the voices around him. This was after he had convulsed for approximately 6-7 minutes.  I rode in the front seat with the ambulance driver making phone calls to Lovell’s mother, instructing her to also contact Cha-Chee, Lovell’s brother.  I‘m sure the driver must have thought I had lost my mind, because I also continued to pray in the Spirit.  But, at this point, I did not care.

When we arrived at the hospital, our son was waiting for us at the front door of the emergency room.  I wondered, ‘How did he make it to the hospital from Beaumont before the ambulance?’  God surely protected him on his way to the hospital.  (My son, Timothy, what a comfort you were to your mom.  I will never forget. )

By this time Lovell was responding.  He was groogy… but responding!  The emergency room doctor came in and asked me what happened.  Being a nurse, I told him I thought he had a heat stroke as I relayed the story to him.  The doctor examined him and soon the battery of testing began.  As the test results started to come back the doctor came into the room and said to me, “He didn’t have a heat stroke. He recovered too fast.”

At that time Lovell was sitting up in the bed visiting with Pastor David, David Wagner, Tim and me.  Little did I know, the waiting room outside was filled with friends praying for Lovell.  Let me tell you, in times like these, church folks and care group members mean the most!

Lovell remained in the emergency room for a few more hours and was eventually admitted to the hospital for further testing.  However, I could not get the doctor’s statement about not having a heat stroke out of my mind.  But I put it on the back burner until I had more time to research at home.

He remained in the hospital over the weekend and was released on Sunday.  All of the tests came back with good reports, but because he had a convulsion, he was referred to a neurologist in Beaumont.  The testing and follow-up testing that was done during this time all came back with good reports.  Unfortunately, as a result of Lovell’s convulsion, by law he was unable to operate a motor vehicle for six months.

My research on heat strokes revealed that out of 7 symptoms of heat stroke, Lovell had 6 of the symptoms.  Heat strokes are a very serious life threatening occurrence and can be fatal.

I do not disrespect the physician that cared for him in the emergency room, but he didn’t know my God.  I believe until this day, when I heard that voice in my head that said,  “Get the water hose and spray him down.” it was the voice of God giving me instructions to save his life.   HE was there when I called.

Psalm 50:15 “and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me."  By this testimony, I am honoring my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for hearing my desperate call.

He will hear you too.

Jackie

Lovell and I have been married for 46 years and have two adult children and four grandchildren.  We have been attending Community Church for 35 years.  We are also Care Group Leaders and Prayer Partners within the church.